so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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