i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
