im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
