Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize