a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
