The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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