Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize