I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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