I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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