I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
