Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
