You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
