You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
