dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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