You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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