this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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