Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
