Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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