i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
