this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize