Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
