What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
