I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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