I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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