Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
