and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
