You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
