I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
