Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
