sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
