Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In America we eat man semen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
