im six kinds of drunk right now
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
