i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
