and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
