So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
