went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
