I could make wine with my vomit
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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