I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
