I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
