Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
