do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
