My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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