You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize