At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
