i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
