Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
