So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
