If i come over, it means nothing
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
