i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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