I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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