nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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