i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
