I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
