honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize