she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
