he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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