you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
