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• (630): View more from Illinois

  oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.

  (310): View more from California

  ***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick

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• (206): View more from Washington

  remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?

  (206): View more from Washington

  joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!

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• (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

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• (+44): View more from England

  He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  go get him tiger.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.

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