I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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