It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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