so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
