Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
