my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
