does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
