She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
