I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize