Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
