So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Small penises have feelings too.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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