Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
