can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
