highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
