I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
