I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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