all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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