eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
