we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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