I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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