nut hugger
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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