yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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