He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
