You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
