Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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