sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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