happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
