I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
