my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
