She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
