Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
PANTIES FOUND
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
