I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
